Allo polish Pals,
I hope you are all
doing great today? I hope you've a fun weekend ahead planned.
I wanted to let you know what's going on. I
think that's one of the lovely things about blogging, even though you
and I are here for nails I've shared some of the most important parts
of my life here with you all.
As you may know I am
currently in England visiting my family again, I arrived late last
night.. however.. I'm staying here and I came alone.
I've made the decision
not to return to the Netherlands...It pains me so much to leave my
boyfriend but I had to make a decision for myself. I could either
continue to let my heart slowly break and keep convincing myself
everything is fine and that I was happy.. or I could rip off the band
aid and break my heart all at once. Sadly with either choice.. people suffer. I've gained an entire new family, I will miss them all so, so much and I have so much love, gratitude and thankfulness to them. It was beginning to get too much
and I didn't want to suffocate in the situation. Its a drastic
decision and I feel I tried my hardest to help and encourage.. but.. There's a plan and I hope it meets its.. thing. Words...at this point they all look scrambled.
Obviously its not a fun
prospect to think that I am going to be 29 this year, living with my
parents, unemployed, childless (I had always wanted to be married and
with children by this age) and less educated than I'd like to be. But
you know what?... It's never too late.
You are never too old to dream.
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It may look a little scary, how she's sitting on
that mountain edge but its full of positivity. Positivity and
freedom!
Look how the tree is
beautifully in full bloom, like the sparks of possibilities coming to
life. Is she sad her balloon has flown away? No. Sometimes you have
to let go of what is in your hands to be able to reach for bigger and
better things. The petals represent worry, upset and lonliness floating away. I felt so peaceful and
calm while I painted this manicure. Sometimes just painting the feels
is really therapeutic.
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I often felt trapped by the same
routine and chores and I just felt like.. isn't there more? Is this
really what life is? - I know real life has real things, but I felt like it was all I was functioning for. I was not treating myself well and I was setting a low expectation for what I really deserve and something in me kicked out and
said enough is enough.
I was being told I was dramatic but I realise now.. never let anyone tell YOU your wrong when YOU say you are not happy. When it comes to your feelings listen to your gut. Only YOU know how YOU feel.
I was being told I was dramatic but I realise now.. never let anyone tell YOU your wrong when YOU say you are not happy. When it comes to your feelings listen to your gut. Only YOU know how YOU feel.
So what now?
I'll still be blogging – pretty much as normal for as long as I
can. I have a huge amount of posts to share with you (I'm scheduled until September!) and I'll
keep creating nail art. I've been sending packages to my parents
containing all sorts of my stuff..so I'll have some of my nail
polishes. But we're going from like 1000+ to... I don't know..I'll
start organising what I sent over today or tomorrow. In one way it also feels a
little freeing in a 'fresh start' sort of way. I'll share my new set
up with you guys once I figure everything out.
I'm going to give
myself a couple of months to come to terms with the huge changes
before I start looking for work. When you spend nearly every day
together for four .5 years that's going to take time to recover from. In the meantime got a whole bunch of paper work and technical things to sort out and researching which sort of way I want to go in terms of nail courses or training but I'll take any kind of job when I start searching (anything just to get me back out there
and going again) But I want to study - This is all
vague as I am typing this but I want to turn my hobby into a career
so I will be looking at what I need to get started in the nail
industry.
More than anything I
want to take time to work on myself, I know how cliché that sounds
but I feel like I've been stifling who I am for quite a long time. I
want to find my feet and voice again and work towards a future for
myself. I've missed my family terribly and will enjoy being able to
be around them again. I've missed being the quirky hands on Auntie.
So.. I am sorry there
is no nail art today but I just wanted to talk to you one on one, as
a fellow naily and friend.
So here's to putting
pride aside, saying yes to living, taking a leap of faith, reaching
for dreams and looking forward to whatever comes next.
I'll be back on Monday (a few days to catch up and settle in will do me good!) and
I'll have some freehand nail art for you.
Thank you for
continuing to support me and my little blog. You make this experience
such a delight, I'm glad I get to share whatever happens next with you.
Love,
Ithi